Wolf's Stupidity
by Luna-Starr
Summary: Watch as Kiba, Tobeo, Hige and Tsume search for the Lunar Flower! Toboe is hit on by everyone, Hige has an eating disorder Tsume is skeptical about everything and Kiba...is just there and looks pretty.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Wolf's Rain, in anyway, shape or form.

Luna: This is my first Wolf's Rain fic! And the characters are slightly OOC. Okay, VERY. But that's because this is a parody. This takes place before they find Cheza. Review!

Chapter 1

Kiba sniffed the air, again. Tsume, Tobeo and Hige close behind. They were still looking for that damn Lunar Flower, and Kiba insisted it was this way. As in the middle of nowhere. Finally, they came to a village.

" Kiba, can we stop here?" asked Hige, " I'm hungry."

" You ate 2 seconds ago," replied Kiba.

" But I smell hotdogs!" whined Hige.

" Do you really believe that you smell hotdogs in that village?" asked Tsume.

Hige rolled his eyes. Tsume was the skeptic of 'Paradise' and the Lunar Flower and…just about everything else.

" Yes, I do." replied Hige, annoyed.

" Alright…" said Kiba, " We'll stop here for a little while. We meet back at the entrance in an hour."

With those words, the foursome spilt up. Tobeo dreaded this. Because wherever he went…

" Hey, cutie!" cried some random man.

Tobeo ignored it and kept going.

" Sweetie, where you heading so fast?" asked another man, blocking his path.

" Leave me alone!" said Tobeo, anger raising in his voice.

" And let a cute thing like you get away? At least let me buy you a drink!" said the first man.

" I'm a boy, dammnit!" screamed Tobeo, finally.

The 2 men stared, dumbfounded.

" Do you really believe you're a male?" piped in Tsume.

" YES! I DO!"

The 2 men ran off in horror, questioning their sexualities.

Tobeo gritted his teeth. It wasn't exactly his fault he looked girly. Or was it…?

" Tsume, I'm sick of looking like a girl!" declared Tobeo, " Can you help me look manlier?"

" Do you really believe you can become a real man?"

****

Meanwhile…

Hige was off buying hotdogs and shoveling them down 3 at a time. He wondered why he even bothered on this stupid journey. Gulping down the 4th hot dog, he soon realized it was the free food.

" Paradise sounds like some cheap hotel resort," mumbled Hige, to himself, " And the Lunar Flower sounds more like a cheap perfume."

" Wow, you sure can eat a lot of hotdogs!" said the hotdog seller, " What's your name?"  
" Hige," said Hige.

" He…gay?"  
" Uh, yeah…"

" Well…that's a nice name."

Hige sighed.

" Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you'd like to be in out 3rd annual hotdog eating contest!"

" Is the food free?" asked Hige.

" Yeah."  
" I'm there!"

****

Back to Tobeo and Tsume…

" So, to be manly I should wear lots of leather, right?" asked Tobeo.

" Do you really believe that?" asked Tsume.

Tobeo ignored him and promptly bought a pair of leather pants, thinking the tight leather would clearly show his gender. He ran to the nearest dressing room and slipped into the pants; clearly miscalculating how tight it was.

" Ouch…" said Tobeo, " How do you move in these things?"  
" Do really believe that the leather pants are tight?" asked Tsume.

" Duh, it is!"

" Hello there!" said another random man.

" I'm a BOY!" screamed Tobeo, fuming, " A BOYY!"

" I was just saying hello…" said the man, taken aback.

" Do you really believe that man was hitting on you?" asked Tsume.

" Yes! YES, I DO!" cried Tobeo, " Can't you do ANYTHING but question stuff?"  
" Do you really believe-"

" SHUTUP!"

Tobeo normally would've ran, but he could barely walk as it was. So he waddled away.

Luna: Next Chapter : Find out where Kiba is! And the insanity counties! I don't have anything against Tobeo, but…when I first saw him I thought he was a girl…Anyway, REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Still not owning anything of Wolf's Rain. I also own nothing of Gwen Stefani's song " HollaBack Girl", or own Gwen for that matter. I also don't own the characters ideas, or ANYTHING from the movie/book/play The Phantom of the Opera.

Luna: YAY REVIEWS! Responses:  
Tea: Thanks for the review!

Aru Fueur: Yay cookies! I'm glad you liked it!

D.C Talk: I also thought Tsume and Tobeo would end up as a couple, I thought they'd be so CUTE together. Until I found out he was a she…thanks for the review!

The Phantom's Slave: XD! Yeah, Tsume gets on my nerves. But he's kinda hot…Mmm…leather. I hope u like it!

Chapter 2

****

Where is Kiba?

You might be wondering, where is our sexy Alpha make wolf? Well…

Kiba was crouched down by a bunch of flower pots. He picked up each one, inhaling deeply to see if it was the Lunar Flower's scent. So far, he had no luck.

" Hey you!" said a girl, " What are you doing to my flowers?"  
" Sniffing them." replied Kiba.

" That's no way to get high!"  
" Huh? High…?" asked Kiba, confused.

" Yeah, well, you take the grass and roll it up into some paper. Then you light fire to it and smoke it."  
" Smoke…it?"  
" Yeah, watch!"  
The junkie girl got out an odd lump and lit it, just as Tobeo wobbled over.

" Kiba! Hige's in an eating contest!" announced Tobeo.

" I can't believe him…" said Kiba, as he stood up.

" Do you really believe that you can't believe?" asked Tsume, knowing the important questions to ask.

Kiba knew better than to answer. Instead, his eyes lingered on Tobeo and his spiffy leather pants.

" Tobeo, what were you thinking?" asked Kiba, trying to suppress a giggle, " They look…uncomfortable."  
" Well, you wear skin tight jeans," retorted Toboe, " What were YOU thinking?"  
" Do you really believe you both weren't thinking?" asked Tsume.

Tobeo didn't answer. He led Kiba and the always insightful Tsume to the town square where Hige was. Sitting at a long table filled with hotdogs.

" Do you really believe you can win?" asked Tsume.

Hige twitched. He had just reached his breaking point. And it was time to tell off Tsume for good. Music started to play and Hige jumped on the table.

He began to sing:

__

I heard that you were asking sh-

At that point, Hige began to spastically shake his ass. Tobeo tried to shield his eyes, Kiba's jaw hit the floor and Tsume just stared.

__

And you didn't think that I would hear it. Wolves hear you howling like that getting everybody fired up! So I'm ready to attack, spring on you and mark my territory cause I ain't no Holla Back Wolf! I ain't no Holla Back Wolf!  
Hige spun in a circle and grabbed some hot dogs.

__

This sh- is hotdogs, H-O-T-D-O-G-S! This is hotdogs! H-O-T-D-O-G-S!

Hige began to shove hotdogs down his throat.

Tobeo was scarred. So scarred mentally, that he wanted to run. Instead, he stumbled and fell, ripping his leather pants.

" Ow!" hollered Tobeo.

Unfortunately, his embarrassment didn't end there. The world now witnessed his undergarments. A pink thong.

" Do you really believe you told me off, Hige?" asked Tsume, ignoring the fallen wolf.

Hige didn't answer. Instead he smacked Tsume upside the head with a hotdog.

" We must follow the scent of the Lunar Flower!" cried Kiba, " And by the way, Tobeo, nice thong."  
Tobeo turned red with anger, and tried to cover himself; just as some blind girl came about. Wearing nothing but a lacy body suit. Naturally, all the males stared. Except Hige. Who liked his hotdogs too much. Wow…that came out wrong.

" Kiba…" she said, " This one has waited her whole life for you."  
" This one?" asked Hige, munching on a hotdog.

" Yes, this one."  
Conviently, there was a perfume bottle placed next to her.

" So this one is the Lunar Flower?" asked Kiba, pointing to the perfume.

" No! This one!" she cried.

" Who's this one?"  
" THIS ONE!"  
" Uh…thanks?" said Kiba, and picked up the perfume bottle.

" This one will come too!" she said.

" Do you really believe this one is her?" asked Tsume.

" SHUTUP!" screamed Tobeo, still on the floor.

" This one is Cheza." she said.

" So the perfume's called 'Cheza'?"  
" No! THIS ONE!"

Kiba groaned, impatient. He turned to leave, followed by the 'pack'. The pack of fools.

Leaving the odd blind girl to be captured by an even odder Phantom of the Opera reject.

Luna: Cheza always got on my nerves because of the way she talked. It was confusing…Why couldn't she just say I?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Wolf's Rain!  
Luna: Yay reviews! Okay, this chapter is based off the 1st Wolf's Rain manga. Mostly centered around Toboe I know I did it out of order of what happens in the manga…but there's a reason for that…I think…Anyways, enjoy! Oh and the reviewer responses are at the end.

Chapter3

Kiba and his pack of idiots had managed to go a couple of feet until some armed men stopped them.

" You're outsiders!" the man announced, " We can't let outsiders in!"

" uh…" said Hige, " You already did. I already was there and I ate your hotdogs."

The armed men simply stared. Kiba was too busy with his perfume bottle to really care, Toboe was too busy trying to his uh…family jewels and Tsume simply stated, " Do you really believe that you ate their hotdogs?"

One of the armed men shifted from foot to foot and whispered to his partner, " Did we forget to stop the outsiders? Again?"

The other one blinked and said, " I think so…"

" Then we'll just be on our way." said Kiba.

" Stop right there!" shouted the man, pointing his gun at Kiba, " Get out! GET OUT OF OUR VILLAGE! We can't let the outsiders in! Or bad stuff will happen!"

" We are out of the village…" stated Kiba, confused.  
" Oh yeah," said Hige, rolling his eyes, " Bad stuff like making profits off tourist traps."  
" Exactly!" agreed the man.

" I was…kidding."

Too late. The armed men opened fire on the wolves, causing them all to scatter. Toboe could barely move, so he did the only thing he could do. Tear off his leather pants and run around in his pink thong. This did work in his advantage, because most of the armed men were too stunned from his undergarments to target him.

Kiba ran off in another direction, and managed to hide unscathed. But the 'Lunar Flower' wasn't as lucky. It shattered once a bullet pierced it, and Kiba began to weep; perfume all over his shirt and hands.

As for Tsume…well, no one really cares where he ran. And no one gives a damn about Hige either.

" Today sucks ass," decided Toboe, running in the forest.

Eventually, he tripped flat on his face. A girl about his age with a long, black braid stopped by him, carrying a flower basket.

" Are you hurt? Are you okay? Are you depressed? Are you constipated?" she asked.

" No, no, a little and…not really," answered Tobeo, " I'm fine! See, I can stand up!"

She stared at him and then said, " …Your not wearing pants."  
" I know…it's a long story." he said.

" Shh…they'll hear you and probably arrest you for indecent exposure," she said, " Follow me."

She led him to her cottage, not too far off.

Toboe sat in her kitchen chair, and she rummaged through some drawers and said, " I'm sorry. I only have a few medical herbs and some weed."

" Weed…?" asked Tobeo.

" Uh…never mind. And I…don't have any pants. But I do have a skirt…"

Tobeo decided that this day went from suck to major suck in the matter of minutes, so he decided he might as well go all the way.

" Okay…" he said.

" My name is Tia," the girl introduced herself, and handed him a brown skirt.

" Toboe!" he said, as he put on the skirt.

" You see that sapling over there?" asked Tia.

" Uh-huh."

" That's my only friend…" she said, and began petting the pot, a large grin on her face, " I give it water from the hill-"

Toboe was scared of this girl and her odd relationship with the flower. And he was bored.  
" And moonlight-"

Tobeo yawned. Who cares? He thought, Its just a stupid flower…

" And the occasional human brain-"

His eyes widened at that and said hastily, " I think the flower will bloom!"

" Really?" asked Tia, brightening.

" No." said Tobeo.

Just then, there was loud knocking at the door.

" Tia!" screamed the voice on the other side, " You wouldn't happening to be hiding an outsider, fem-male with no pants, now would you?"  
" N-no!" she said, and she whispered to Tobeo, " You have to go!"  
Toboe didn't hesitate, and jumped out the nearest window.

He rejoined his fellow wolves and a teary eyed Kiba. They eventually out ran the psycho gun tooters.

" Wow, nice skirt, Toboe!" snickered Hige.

Toboe gave him a death glare.

" Do you really believe it's a nice skirt?" asked Tsume.

" Go die." said Hige, annoyed.

That's when Kiba broke them the news.

" The Lunar Flower…is dead!" he cried, in agony, " All GONE!"

" What? How?" asked Hige.

" A bullet…and…it happened so fast!"

" Well, that explains that fruity smell…" said Toboe.

" I have an idea," said Hige, " Why don't we find the weird blind, clerk girl and make her give us a refund on it. It is perfume after all…"

" Does anyone else wonder what the hell perfume has to do with Paradise?" asked Tobeo.

Everyone ignored his odd and rare stroke of brilliance.

" Great idea, Hige!" said Kiba, brightening, " Let's go!"

Luna: Done! Reviewer responses:

intellectual-vixen: Hehe, thanks! Tsume was always an annoying skeptic!

AuroranWings: Ohh…That explains a lot. I just thought Cheza said that to confuse everyone…lol.

Shmougie: XD! I hoped you liked it!

D.C Talk: Good idea! But I shall keep him a guy to further embarrass him…heheh…Tobeo torture IS fun!

Everyone: Thanks for taking the time to read and review my ficcy!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Me no own Wolf's Rain.

Luna: I FINALLY GOT THE ANIME! It rocks, Kiba has a sexy voice…: drifts off: Uh, anyway, it provided me with MORE MATERIAL! BE AFRAID! MWHAHAH-er, here it is! This is based off Episode 4.

Chapter 4

Tobeo was bored. So he did the only thing one would do when one was bored. Poke the person nearest to you. Who happened to be Tsume.

" DON'T TOUCH ME!" screamed Tsume, in horror.

" Sorry…" mumbled Tobeo, " Someone has issues…"

But Tobeo couldn't resist. And the way he acted was amusing. So Tobeo poked him again.

" NOOO! STOP TOUCHING ME!" howled Tsume, jumping back.

His outbursts attracted the attention of a mourning Kiba and an equally bored and now hungry Hige. Hige found this situation hilarious and commented, " Hey, Tobeo, stop molesting Tsume."  
Tsume yelped at this remark and ran off, in either shame, horror or diarrhea; no one knows.

" I think you should go after him, Toboe." suggested Alpha Wolf.

" Who needs him?" stated Hige, " If he's gonna be all emo and cold and bastard like; we should just leave."

" I concur." said Toboe.

5 minutes passed.

" I really think you should go." said Kiba.

" Why?"

" To have odd, and unnecessary sexual tension scenes…and er, isn't Tsume your hero?"

"…No."

" Okay, I'll pay you. Just get him and advance the damn plot!"

Tobeo couldn't argue with money.

So off he ran, into the wasteland. After 5 seconds, he was bored; climbed on a cliff and jumped off; ending his life. Woops…that was a typo. Let's start again. After 5 seconds, he was bored, climbed a cliff and howled at the top.

Meanwhile, Tsume watched from the shadows, all stealthily. That's when a random, robot, evil mech thing appeared. And tried to shoot at Tobeo. Tsume jumped in the way, and gets his leg injured.

" Damn! You just saved my life!" cried Tobeo.

" Do you really believe I saved your life?" he asked.

Then he fainted from blood loss, and Tobeo dragged his body to a nearbly cave; mech on their tail. Tobeo propped up the knocked out, vulnerable Tsume against the wall.

His leg wound was bad. Real bad. And instead of applying pressure to it LIKE A NORMAL person, Tobeo did the next best thing. He began licking it.

Tsume's eyes fluttered open, his 'I'm being violated' senses tingling. There was Tobeo, lapping up his open wound like it was an ice cream sundae.

" STOP TOUCHING ME! DON'T EVER TOUCH ME!" cried Tsume, and pushed him away.

" I'-I'm sorry!" said Tobeo, " Your open wound looked like strawberry jam and I haven't eaten for days!"  
" Just…Stop…no touching!" declared Tsume.

" Why?"  
" Because."  
" Because why?"

" Because!"  
"…You have scars, their sexy!" said Tobeo, with a grin.

Tsume backed up against the wall, limping; scared.

" I'm kidding, geez!" said Tobeo, " Mech dude is still out there. I'll distract it and you can run away."

" You'll get killed." stated Tsume.

He thought about that statement for a minute.

" Go ahead." he said.

Tobeo ran out of the cave, the mech targeting and trying to shoot him. Until it got bored and targeted a slow, limping Tsume. He was shot, fell and Tobeo was still running; thinking that the gun fire was coming after him. Idiot.

That's when Sexy Alpha- I mean, Kiba leapt on it and pierced it with an icicle.

" Can't you guys do ANYTHING right?" asked Kiba, with a sigh, " Okay, off to see the Lunar Flower!"  
" Why did you help me?" asked Tsume.

" Cause you wear tight leather!" I said.

All the wolves stared.

" What…who…?" asked Tsume.

" That's just the voice, Luna. HI LUNA!" cried Kiba, and waved into the distance.

"…"

Meanwhile, Tobeo was still running. And running.

" Hey," said Hige, " Shouldn't we get going so I can have my next free meal- I mean, so we can go to Paradise?"  
" Okay." said Kiba, "…I feel like we're missing something."  
" Do you really believe we're missing something?" asked Tsume, back to his old self.

Everyone kept walking.

Except Tobeo, who was still running. Finally, he looked back; realized he was lost and began to howl in shame. Or constipation. Pick one.

" I still don't understand why you helped me…" mused Tsume.

" Everyone needs an angsty loner in a pack; that's why. You see, I'm comic relief/moocher, Kiba is the sexy leader, you're the angsty loner and Tobeo is the dead weight; whiny one." explained Hige, as if talking to a child.

" Speaking of which, where is the runt?" asked Kiba.

………………………………...

Tobeo, in wolf form had collapsed from hunger. When a girl came by him and handed him some sausage.

" Go on, take it." said the girl.

Tobeo had already was scarfing it down faster than you could say ' OAHAHAHAHA!' The girl watched, and Tobeo made his best puppy face at her. That's when he realized he was in the city. Again. He began to follow her once she was walking, and the girl said " I'm sorry, I can't take you home with me…"

So Tobeo did the only thing he could do. He went behind some trash cans and transformed to his human self. _I bet she'll wanna see me again now that I'm cute and her species!_ he thought, happily. He leaned against a wall as she passed, and said, " Hey, thanks for the sausage before!"

She stared at him.

" What…?"  
" Uh…I mean, thanks for feeding that sausage to my dog!"

" Oh…he was a beautiful dog…"

" T-Thanks! His name is Tobeo!"  
" What an odd name…"

" My name is not odd! Granny gave it to me!"

" I thought you said that was your dog's name."  
" No- I mean, yes. I mean, how do you feel about interspecies relationships?"  
"…Huh? Look, I have to go…"  
With that, she ran off to her car. Tobeo feeling slightly dejected.

Luna: I know I should of put this in the 1st chapter, but I haven't watched the anime until recently; so it's out of order. Big thanks to my reviewers! Review!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Wolf's Rain or Phantom of the Opera in anyway, shape or form.

Luna: I apologize for misspelling Tobeo's name…hehe, Sorry! I'll try not to next time. Yay reviews! Thanks! Anyway, this part has to do with the manga when they find her, I'm not sure how it is in the anime; but in the manga it involves her jumping off the airship.

Chapter 5

Cheza was stuck on Darica's air ship. She sat there, bored; waiting for the wolves. Until she realized wolf's couldn't operate machinery, therefore couldn't rescue her.

" Its been a long time…Cheza." said Darica, suddenly, " You can't see me, and yet you sense my presence."

" This one thinks that you're a poor man's version of The Phantom of the Opera!" she declared.

" I am not!" protested Darica, annoyed.

" Then this one wants to know why you wear a mask? This one knows your face wasn't deformed." she said, simply, " Therefore, this one thinks your copying off him."

" Shutup! I have trouble expressing my emotions! This is my happy mask!" declared Darica.

" Wait…if she's blind, how does she know that you're wearing a mask?" I asked, proving a valid point.

" This one thinks you have too many plot holes," answered Cheza.

" Shut up! I always hated you and your " This One" crap! Speak normal, dammnit!" I screamed.

Darica simply ignored my voice politely, and was still into his battle of wits with Cheza.

" Well, at least I'm not a hermaphrodite!" he said, simply.

Cheza stared.

" You see, flowers have both reproductive organs. Therefore, you're a he/she." said Darica, snickering at his own joke.

Cheza turned red.

" This one thinks your crazy!"  
Darica just laughed some more, and Cheza decided that she had enough of him for one day. She walked to the opening of the airship, and prepared to jump out. But since the poor girl lacked in the slight department, she rammed head first into the wall. Then staggered and fell out of the ship.

****

Meanwhile…

Kiba and his equally mentally challenged partners were walking by a lake in another random, apocalyptic, forest. As usual. Toboe, and if I didn't spell his name right, don't kill me; had managed to catch up to them. And no one even noticed he was gone.

That's when the airship was flying up above them. And someone dropped out of there.

" Look! it's the sales clerk!" said Toboe, first to notice.

Kiba looked up, indeed he was right. It was that strange salesclerk in a body suit, falling face first. She dropped literally inches away from him. But Kiba was stupid and uncoordinated, so he didn't catch her.

" You! Where can we get another Lunar Flower?" asked Kiba.

Cheza laid motionless in the lake.

" Hey! I'm talking to you!"  
Still, not responding.

" Can we poke her with a stick? To see if she's dead?" asked Toboe.

" Do you really-" began Tsume, but Toboe's finger's flew onto his arm.

Touching his arm.

Touching. His. Arm.

Tsume screamed and shut up, Tobeo grinning.

" Can we eat her corpse?" asked Hige.

Everyone stared at him.

" What…? I'm hungry!"

Tsume mumbled ' fat bastard' under his breath, but then Hige threatened to poke him; so he shut up.

Kiba did the only logical thing to do. He poked Cheza.

" This one…is…alive." she said, in pain.

Kiba grabbed her roughly and screamed, " Where's the Lunar Flower! You've been holding out on us, haven't you?"

Her response was coughing up green fluid on his shirt. Or fur, depending on perspective.

" This one…is the Lunar Flower…" she said, weakly.

" The lake? The WHOLE lake!" asked Kiba, eyes widening.

" No! This one-"  
Too late. Kiba had his mind set.

" Alrighttt…Everyone get some buckets so we can drain the lake!"  
" Wait!" said Hige, " What does this have to do with flowers?"  
" I'm the Alpha Male and you DO what I say!" he cried, having a power trip.

" Do you really-" he was cut off by Toboe poking him.

Poor, sad, violated Tsume.

" You dumbass!" said Cheza, finally, " Its me! ME!"

"…Your not a flower." said Kiba, stating the obvious.

" Neither was a perfume bottle or a lake! Damn, you guys are stupid!" she declared.

As much as she annoys me, I agree.

"…So do we get Paradise now?" asked Hige.

Cheza grabbed Kiba's hand, and raced forward.

" Come. This one must show you something with no relevance to the plot."  
" Is there even a plot?" asked Tobeo.

Tsume nearly opened his mouth, but knew better than to answer.

Luna: Done! REVIEW!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Wolf's Rain. Or Bacradi or Jack Daniel's.

Luna: yay 30 reviews! XD! Cookies for reviewers! This time I poke fun at Quent and the manga's dialogue…hehe.

Chapter 6

Quent was angry. Those damned wolves had killed his family. Although…when he had reached their corpses, they were bullet ridden.

Before he could realize the truth, he took another swing of Jack Daniels.

" Come on, Blue…" slurred Quent, tripping over his own 2 feet, " Wolves summon destruction…and Bacardi."

Blue rolled her eyes. Why was her master a dumbass drunk?

So drunkard man and Blue stumbled along the path, looking for wolves to play target practice with.

If wolves could somehow use a semi-automatic, sure; they were guilty.

****

Meanwhile…

Cheza led Kiba by the hand to a cave. The pack of fools followed.

" Wow, those stones look human!" announced Toboe.

" Do you really believe that they looked human?" asked Tsume.

Toboe and Hige double teamed him in 'Poke A Thon' 2005. Needless to say, Tsume wouldn't be asking anymore questions anytime soon.

" This is a weird place to bring a first date." commented Kiba.

Cheza didn't answer. She walked to a stone thing and cried, " This one is back!"  
" Oh…So Cheza's your girlfriend." smirked Hige.

Cheza was too busy with the rocks to answer.

" This one missed you most of all!" she exclaimed, and threw her arms around a rock.

Except it wasn't a rock. It was Tsume, and she was, er, blind; so she didn't notice.

" AHHH! NOOOO! NO TOUCHING!" screamed Tsume.

So Cheza was thrown to the ground and Tsume got into fetal position in the nearest corner.

" Yup, me and Cheza are going out," said Kiba, ignoring Tsume's outburst and sounding much like a high school jock.

" But…what would the children look like?" asked Toboe, " You're a wolf thing and she's a flower thing. The only way to do it is doggy sty-"

Hige clapped his hand over Toboe's mouth; and said, " How do you KNOW about that stuff!"  
Toboe just smirked.

" So where's Paradise? Is this it, with the flower corpse stone thingys?" asked Kiba, " With a throw rug and some drapes, it could be quiet comfy…"  
" This one just wanted to stop here so this one could say hello to this one's friends," said This One, er; Cheza.

Everyone stared. Except Tsume. He whimpered.

Long story short, Cheza led them into a valley thingy. She began to sing.

" Row row row your boat, gently down the stream…" she sang, her voice feeling like glass shards being pierced into the wolves' ears.

Kiba pretended he liked her singing, and shut his eyes hoping it looked like he was asleep; hoping she would stop. She didn't.

That's when Cher appeared. Who's Cher, you ask? No one important, just some scientist woman with husband issues who has an obsession with Cheza. She was kicked off the committee of researchers, too. Cher grinned, dumbly.

****

Flashback!

Cher was studying Cheza again. And that's when she made a life altering breakthrough.

" My goodness! Cheza's a hermaphrodite!" she said, " It makes perfect sense now! She's a flower, has BOTH organs and…"

Cher was so astounded with her breakthrough decided to do the only logical thing to do to find out how stuff works. Dissect it.

But of course, the committee wouldn't let her, and…well; now she was unemployed.

****

End Flashback

Cher grinned stupidly, until she realized that there were dogs lying on the ground with her. And…she wanted to dissect them too. Until she realized how darn adorable the dogs looked.

That's when the Drunkard man wielding rife appeared w/ Blue. He pushed Cher aside and screamed, " WOLVES SUMMON BACLARDI!"

Instantly, all the idiotic wolves awoke. Quent, who was in point blank range; aimed and fired.

He fired it 3 times.

Into a tree.

4 yards away.

" Woah! He can't hit the broad side of a barn!" said Hige.

" This one thinks we should go!" cried Cheza.

" Quent, stop! Their cute, fuzzy, woodland puppies! Don't shoot!" she cried.

" What, are you BLIND!" asked Quent, annoyed, " How can you not tell the difference between dogs and wolves? One's obviously bigger, has sharper teeth-"

" THEIR PUPPIES!"

As the idiots continued to argue with each other about the differences of Wolfs and Puppies; the pack and gender bender sneaked off.

Luna: Reviewer Responses!

BlackRatchet: Hehe, thanks!

AuroanWings: Thanks! And basically all the scenes in Wolf's Rain have to do with an apocalyptic forest.

Suzako: Yes, Kiba IS a sexy Alpha Male! XD!

Kenimaru: I hope I spelt it right! Glad you liked it!  
Tea: XD! I'll try and update sooner!


End file.
